Tuesday, March 10, 2009

In Memoriam Terry "Vaughn" Stewart 1973-2009

The worst thing I can imagine has happened, I have outlived my only child.

We had a tumultuous life but it always worked out, and we were not just mother and son, but friends, too.

He had end stage renal failure which came on suddenly in 2006 and he'd been on dialysis since, with many problems caused by extremely high blood pressure, and the other complications of having failed kidneys, which finally contributed to a weakened heart which just stopped.

He was only 35.

Last December, just before Christmas, he decided to move back to Florida, which was his heart-home, and though I hated to lose him, I'd so enjoyed having him near to talk, goof around ont he computer, listen to him talk of his plans and ideas, I knew he wasn't truly happy here in cold Connecticut so I didn't try too hard to change his mind, knowing that his illness may take him away from me at any time, but he needed to be happy.

A few years ago he came upon The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, a book by Dan Millman, which changed his life and added to his ultimate happiness. He read it and it rang a clear note in his spirit which made him a better person, able to even help others, something no one who knew him as a unpredictable teen would have ever suspected.

.

I must tell you all, whoever may read this that there is never enough time. Gather your loved ones and tell them, show them you love them and keep doing it, even if it means that they move away, because you will be helping them reach their happiness in life, and there is nothing better you can do!

My little boy grew into a wonderful man, a caring friend and loving father, and I'm so happy to have seen it happen, but I will miss him more than I can say.

His Myspace

8 comments:

Lani Gerity said...

What a beautiful Memoriam! He was very lucky to have had you for a mom!

Love,
Lani

SkippyMom said...

I am over from swapbot and I have to say how sorry I am TBC. What a wonderful son and relationship.

I wish you the best and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs.

Patti said...

you are truly amazing, Cyn, and, as Lani said, he was lucky to have you - not that it makes you feel any less cheated... a grief I cannot fathom.
you will be in my prayers.
patti (14 secrets)

Momma Rae and the Deputy said...

Im sorry to hear about your loss, but also happy to hear what you have to say about him.
I also grieve for my son that I lost at birth almost two years ago. His name is Joseph :)

I am visiting from swap-bot :)

Eveline said...

I only just stumbled upon your blog, but just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Val Foster said...

Hello Cyn. I am so sorry for your recent loss, please accept my deepest sympathy and condolences. I have no experience of what you're going through, but my heart reaches out to you and I will be praying for you.

Your son sounds like a wonderful person, someone I'd enjoy knowing. Thank you for sharing him with us. Please know that there are people out here who love and care about you, and that you are not alone. May God bless you and keep you and comfort you, in this very painful time.

Chris Gray Textile Art said...

My heart goes out to you...

I too, have outlived my only child - a lovely young man called Jason (he was 22).

I know that loss is what you mostly feel, but it changes into a kind-of gratitude as time goes on ...

I certainly still feel the empty space left by him, but, I'm grateful that I did have the time that I had with him......

Hold onto those memories, they will sustain you in years to come.

Chris

Linda said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Your memorial to him is beautiful and touching. Your fellow swap-botter, LINDA50